He is Jealous for Me

Music is an interesting thing.
It has the power to evoke an innumerable range of emotions.

I am not a huge follower of music by any means. I know what I like and what I don't like, but I don't know artist names or band names or song titles.

However certain songs just do it for me. This is one of them. I could be having the worst. day. ever. and this song will still bring me to my knees and make me feel an overwhelming sense of joy and love. It spreads through me binding itself to my bones and tears through my flesh like the most excruciatingly pleasant feeling known to man. It's a feeling of love and passion that is stronger and more powerful than an ounce of the headiest perfume.

The song and its lyrics are 15 shades of pure awesome. David Crowder you truly are saturated with life-changing talent. In fact your lyrics just might be worthy of a tattoo.

So my friends, if you find yourself sitting inside the confines of a dark closet, dwelling on the shortcomings of your life and wishing there was something more to live for - I can tell you with the utmost certainty that peace in your life will not come with more money, a better job, fancy cars, a nice house, or a European vacation. It comes from one thing and one thing only. Knowing that your Creator loves you.

I have a theory that most people in life are trying to find Happiness when what they really want is Joy. A lot of people think that those words can be used interchangeably, but I beg to differ. Happiness is something you find in a new pair of shoes or finding your husband washing the dishes before he goes to work because he knew you had a rough night and wanted your day to have one less item on your to-do list (that last one comes from personal experience-thank you husband!) Joy on the other hand is a state of mind and its counterpart is peace. You can have one without the other, but things seem more balanced when they are both present.

In my life I want joy. It's great to have happiness along the way, but I wanted to be blanketed with joy and immersed in peace. And this my friends comes from the One that the world wants to dismiss.


He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.


We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all


Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Sometimes You Just Need to Get Out of the Car

Here's an interesting story that I just had to share with you all. I was out running errands at Target and Ross and while I was in the Mission Valley area I got hungry. Needless to say my options were aplenty and I decided to "double" my iron intake the yummy way and hit up In-N-Out. I was on the fence about it until I got out of my car and got a whiff of that "eau de deliciousness". (however this is not the point of my story) So I went in ordered a #1 and basked in the wonderful sun as I stuffed my face with the best burger on the planet. After I finished I tossed my trash and headed to my car....

On my way back I passed by a man holding a "hungry" sign standing near the exit/entrance of the parking lot. I took a casual glance and then I just kept walking. Waddle Waddle Waddle. Whew. Wiped my eyebrow of sweat and got into my car. I put the key into the ignition, turned on the a/c and just sat staring out the window. I couldn't help but think that God wanted me to go and talk to this man. I have been trying very hard lately to not ignore that inner voice aka the Holy Spirit. Especially when it means talking to a weird stranger, in the middle of a parking lot, when its 90 degrees outside and all I want to do is sit down in my air conditioned car.

A few moments went by and I still couldn't shake that feeling that I HAD to get out of my car and go talk to him. I didn't have any cash on me at the time, but I thought well at least I could  offer to buy him lunch. So here I am getting back out of my car ... Waddle Waddle Waddle. Once I finally reach this random stranger I double check just to confirm he wasn't asking for money or a job or a place to sleep, or karate lessons because his family was kidnapped by ninjas and sure enough his sign only says "Hungry". I politely say, "Hello", he returns with a simple "Hi". He has about 8 rows of teeth, long black hair pulled into a pony tail and is wearing decent jeans, a pair of chucks and a band t-shirt. Not overly intimidating, but also not someone I would want to chat up life over a cup of joe and a scone.

So after my 2 second mental assessment of him (I was really just trying to make sure he wasn't gonna knife me or steal my purse), I realized he was just a normal/weird guy. I proceeded to my initial point and asked him If I could buy him lunch. I explained that I didn't have any cash, but would love to fill his empty tummy with food from a place of his choice. How many of you can guess what he replied with?..... Personally, I am still not sure what exactly he said, but it went something like this. Weird Guy says, "No, thank you I am not hungry" Me , "Are you sure? Your holding a sign that says 'hungry'" Weird Guy, "No really thanks, God Bless you and your little one. The cops stole my herb stash this morning and got me good. My roommates threw me out on the street and tossed all my sh@#$. I am just standing here with this sign." Me, "So your not hungry?" Weird Guy, "No, I am good." Me, "Do you need any money?" Weird Guy, "No, I am good." Me, "Then why are you standing here holding a sign?" Weird Guy, "Mumble, Mumble, Mumble, yada, yada, yada Thanks God Bless you and your little one" Me, "dramatic pause, look of confusion, tilt of the head, hmmm, Okay have a nice day!" Waddle Waddle Waddle back to my car.

So you're probably wondering what the point of the story is?
For me, its simply this... 

Sometimes. God. Just. Wants. Us. To. Get. Out. Of. The. Car.

... Have you been getting out of your car lately?

Finding Purpose

What am I supposed to do with my life?

Sometimes I feel like I was so completely focused in the last 8 years of my life that now after accomplishing many of the important things I am left with a giant question mark that says... 

What shall I do next?

Go to College - Check
Meet future husband - Check
Enjoy College - Check, Check, Check
Graduate College - Check
Get Married - Check
Buy our first home - Check
Enjoy being Married - Check, Check, Check
Start my Career Life - Check
Lose my Career Life - Check
Be content with being a Housewife - Check
Spend 5 months looking for the right job and not find it - Check
Outgrow your first home because its only 600 sq feet - Check
Be content with being unemployed - still working on it - half of a check
Start my own business - lifelong work in progress
Love Jesus Daily - Check

I hate how our jobs define who we are and not just what we do. I mean its like the first thing people ask you when they meet you... Soooo, what do you do? With me not working for the last 5 months (and not being paid for the last 10 months) its really hard to be content with less money and honestly less purpose. But then I have to sit there and really assess my situation. Does what I DO really give me my purpose in life or is that just a selfish perspective? For me I believe my purpose ultimately comes from God and my life is for God's use to do His will.

But honestly..... giving myself to God without any strings attached is really hard.

I want to control the outcome of things, I don't want to blindly trust Him because its hard. I want a job for peace, security and purpose, I don't want to find my peace, security and purpose in Him because its not tangible. This is what the world is telling me, but truly...

I want to blindly trust him without any fear.
I want to find my peace, security and purpose in Him because its everlasting.

But how do you honestly let go when the world around you is telling you to hold on?