It's Not Enough

I find writing to be very therapeutic. Especially when it's my attempt to unload something that has been plaguing my mind & will eventually make it down to my heart. And I hate it when it reaches my heart because although the eyes are closer to the mind it's the pain of the heart that causes the tears.

Sometimes I write with an uncensored state of mind not caring who may come across these words, but I feel that if I don't explain the context of today's feelings I very well might end up getting pushed off the edge of a pier. For all of you who disagree with my point of view please don't contemplate throwing rocks at me. We all have our own story, our own goals, our own desires out of life and just because they don't align doesn't make either of us right or wrong.

For the past couple days, hell maybe its been weeks (it's hard to navigate the inner workings of oneself) I have felt for lack of a better word, bereft. And after spending unlimited hours trying to figure out why I have felt this way it sort of just fell out of my mouth this morning. And so here I am about to drop a very loaded question on all of you. Like nuclear loaded.

Is being a mother enough for you?

And now we can start the rather lengthy, in-depth discussion comparing societal expectations, norms and views with that of my own expectations, norms and views.

To be frank, honest and blunt, I discovered this morning that for me - It's not enough. And as freeing and liberating as it was to finally unearth my feelings behind my recent distress, figuring this out didn't exactly make me want to skip & jump rope in my meadow of happiness. If anything I feel even... worse?

Modern Family

My husband and I don't share many obsessions together, for example: Our love of the movie Smokin' Aces, the tv show How I Met Your Mother, sleeping and canned chili sort of round up the more interesting part of our top ten list of things we equally obsessively love. Lucky for us when ABC decided to add a new show "Modern Family" to Wednesday nights we were mutually hooked. So hooked in fact, that if you invited us over for an evening of watching How I Met Your Mother, while dining on canned chili and offered us a nap somewhere in-between, we would probably decline if said evening landed on a Wednesday night between 9:00pm and 9:30pm. If this doesn't show you how much we LOVE watching Modern Family, then I don't know what will.


With that being said... Did you happen to catch last night's episode? If not please feel free to go here and watch it. I really haven't watched an episode yet, that hasn't had me laughing for the majority of its 30 minute time slot. However, last nights episode happen to portray something that I am quite, how should I put it, passionate about. The episode was for the most part centered around the ideology that other women or even society as a whole pity women who are stay at home moms. Now, this is just my personal opinion, but honestly I HATE that people think that way. When did becoming a Stay At Home Mom mean that you are now a pariah to the rest of society, that your I.Q. drops 100 points and you don't understand life "outside" of the home? I hate how the world has made women feel guilty or make them believe that they have amounted to less because they are at home raising their kids instead of becoming the Senior Vice President of some massive global company with a 6 figure income. Seriously it ticks me off. I am an educated woman who has ambitions, dreams and goals in life and one of those just happens to be a Mom and I want to stay at home and raise my children and care for them, which is a NORMAL desire. Society has degraded the idea of a woman who wants to stay at home, cook, clean, raise her children and care for her husband. Well guess what I actually WANT to do those things. I actually believe that getting to do those things is a blessing and an honor. I am not diminishing women who choose to work either, all I am saying is don't look down your nose at me because I want to be a Stay At Home Mom which if your doing it right is a full-time job!


ughhh... ok so enough of my rant. Anyhow, overall I loved last's night episode because in the end Claire realized that she was happy with her choice to quit working and raise her kids. However, I wish they would've given a glimpse of her friend's life, who just happened to get the new promotion to International Director of Hotels in Paris. She may really enjoy her life now and may think that having lovers in every major city in the continental US and abroad is great, but for the most part people who live lives like that encounter one word ... l o n e l i n e s s.

Remember you don't have to agree with me, this is just my opinion. It's also a large reason for me starting this blog and for me wanting to be able to work from home. So that one day I can have my 5+ children running around causing extreme caos and I won't miss out on a single second.