Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Throwing "What to Expect" Across the Room

With so many of my girlfriends getting pregnant recently, the subject of what "You CAN Do" and what "You CAN'T Do" has definitely been a major focus of discussion. So, I find myself trying to figure out how crazy I will respond to said questions whenever I happen to get pregnant. I stumbled upon this blog titled "Free Range Kids - Giving our kids the freedom we had without going nuts with worry" and I have to admit it describes my point of view on raising my unborn children to a T. This one article specifically about the Do's and Don'ts of pregnancies really made me smile. Here is an excerpt.. 

"Dear Free-Range Kids: I literally threw What to Expect When You’re Expecting across the room after I cracked it open for the first time to a random page and read, “We don’t have any evidence that coloring your hair harms the fetus, but we don’t have any evidence that it’s GOOD for the fetus, so sorry, Mom, but it’s just one more sacrifice you’re going to have to make.”
My blood pressure shot up so high reading that, I’m surprised I didn’t go into pre-term labor.  The only thing that saved me was knowing that the book was a hand-me-down and I hadn’t contributed to the personal fortune of its author.
So we preggos are supposed to give up everything that has not been proven to be beneficial to the baby even if there’s no evidence that it’s harmful? I refuse. The amount of love I feel for this little guy kicking my bladder is better measured by my determination to raise him to engage intellectually with the world around him than by mindless acts of pointless martyrdom."

I can't blame you if you disagree and I can't blame you if you think I am a horrible woman for thinking so, but unfortunately I am who I am and this is how I will respond whenever I do get knocked up :) Please share your thoughts/opinions/personal point of view. Who knows I may change my mind once I actually am pregnant, but I am guessing I won't.

Please check out the original post to which the above post was made here at: "Driven Crazy by Pregnancy Perfectionism" are there any pregnant woman out there who feel this way?


  1. You know. I do understand the point that the excerpt has and I agree that not all things need to be watched to a tee to make life miserable and therefore make pregnancy miserable. BUT, there are things that are not "proven" 100% to harm your child but there are many studies on the effects of certain things. This is broad I know, so here is an example. Caffeine. This is something that doctors say that is not proven to be good or bad (in moderation… what is moderation? Some say that 1 can of coke is fine and that is moderation and others say 5 cans. Which one is it?) BUT in all of my development classes (undergraduate and master’s program) we have read MANY psychological journals/articles of research experiments and dissertations/research that show the effect on caffeine and the rising numbers of ADD kids. Yes, there are external factors to be outruled, such as not enough outside play, sugar consumption, etc, but these articles/research has taken those into account. So, I pose this question… Do you really want to chance it? Is this “thing” that you don’t want to give up worth a possible effect later on in your child’s development or intellect? Working with high school kids everyday really puts it into reality. I see some who legitimately have ADD (oh my gosh it’s nuts). I am not saying it’s cause their mom drank caffeine but would you want to ever think YOU were the cause to that? Cause I wouldn’t. To me, using the author’s example of dying your hair is completely not worth it. I don’t care about my hair and my appearance more that my nonexistent child. I also think it’s only for 9 months. I am willing to do what it takes to make sure my child is developmentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually sound.

  2. Jeanne!! First, I miss you. Second, I would definitely give up ANYTHING if it would harm my baby. My position isn't that I am not willing to forgo my own selfish pleasures, its more that I am not about to blindly change my lifestyle 100% just because some book says I can't do this or that. My approach is to be wise and aware, but to still continue to live a normal life. For example, I have been taking pre-natals for the past 5 months so that when Hector and I are ready to start having a family my body is physically ready. I don't eat fast food anymore (except for In-N-Out) and I have tripled my vegetable intake and cut my starches, sugars and fatty foods. Because I want to be healthy for myself and for whenever I get pregnant. I could careless about giving up alcohol or caffeine because I am not addicted nor do I drink either all that often. I just think its ridiculous when people don't want to take care of themselves on a daily basis (which you should, your body is a gift from God as well), but then all of a sudden they get pregnant and now they care. I would hate to be the cause of something horrible to my child, however I think there is only so much you can do to prevent things from happening and the rest is up to God. I know Mom's who didn't take care of themselves at all and even moms who were on drugs and their kids came out 100% normal. And then mom's who did everything in the book and their kids have down syndrome, or ADD or autism. I obviously don't have the education that you do on the subject, but I think everything should be balanced. I also think if you ever want to be a parent, or are participating in sex so that a child is possible then you should be living a lifestyle appropriate to having a healthy baby. But your points are completely valid and I think its pathetic when people don't DO the things they really should because they are too selfish to give them up. They are probably too selfish to be having kids in the first place.

  3. Be careful and safe, just don't take it to the point where you're worrying all the time and causing extra unnecessary stress... that's what I think.
    I really should be more careful though I know my baby is fine and I try to allow myself to enjoy the pregnancy as much as possible, while also paying attention to the rules. I'm always finding out new things that I should and shouldn't do and I work on sticking to them, but I also pray God protects my baby and I have an assurance He is. I'm not planning on dyeing my hair, I've cut down on the caffeine, and if something comes to my knowledge that I need to be careful of, I make a mental note and try to stick to it. I make a point to take my prenatal everyday, but if I miss a day, I know everything is still going to be okay. Every checkup seems to be fine... strong heartbeat, healthy mommy, etc. It's hard to cut out sugar completely when its what I'm craving but I do try to stick to 100% juice rather than tons of added sugar. With that said, I'm not perfect in these things (as I sit here drinking Hawaiian Punch for breakfast). I certainly don't stress over having the perfect pregnancy but I do my part and my husband and friends drench the baby and I in prayer which I think makes all the difference. When you get pregnant, enjoy it. :) Pay attention to the do's and don'ts but stay relaxed and assured that you and your baby will be just fine. Use wisdom and discretion in everything you do, while being anxious in nothing.

  4. And, PS.

    It was so much harder to be healthy when I got preggers because I was hungry all the time and craved crazy things! The healthy stuff didn't fill me up but now its better.
    One thing that changes is you really really need a balanced diet so now I'm eating more protein, carbs, cheese, fruit, veggies, etc. If I don't get enough of something, my body tells me. I start to crave sausage, and prime rib if I'm not getting enough protein and I crave oranges when I'm not getting enough fruit. LOL! I crave Olive Garden soup and salad if I'm low on veggies.
    Ultimately, pregnancy works itself out to where you don't have to worry so much because naturally you'll start wanting what you need. It's brilliant.

  5. Wonderful thoughts Melissa! I share your point on things being in balance. I hope all is well with you and your little girl!


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