Thursday, April 8, 2010
Sometimes I feel like I was so completely focused in the last 8 years of my life that now after accomplishing many of the important things I am left with a giant question mark that says...
What shall I do next?
Go to College - Check
Meet future husband - Check
Enjoy College - Check, Check, Check
Graduate College - Check
Get Married - Check
Buy our first home - Check
Enjoy being Married - Check, Check, Check
Start my Career Life - Check
Lose my Career Life - Check
Be content with being a Housewife - Check
Spend 5 months looking for the right job and not find it - Check
Outgrow your first home because its only 600 sq feet - Check
Be content with being unemployed - still working on it - half of a check
Start my own business - lifelong work in progress
Love Jesus Daily - Check
I hate how our jobs define who we are and not just what we do. I mean its like the first thing people ask you when they meet you... Soooo, what do you do? With me not working for the last 5 months (and not being paid for the last 10 months) its really hard to be content with less money and honestly less purpose. But then I have to sit there and really assess my situation. Does what I DO really give me my purpose in life or is that just a selfish perspective? For me I believe my purpose ultimately comes from God and my life is for God's use to do His will.
But honestly..... giving myself to God without any strings attached is really hard.
I want to control the outcome of things, I don't want to blindly trust Him because its hard. I want a job for peace, security and purpose, I don't want to find my peace, security and purpose in Him because its not tangible. This is what the world is telling me, but truly...
I want to blindly trust him without any fear.
I want to find my peace, security and purpose in Him because its everlasting.
But how do you honestly let go when the world around you is telling you to hold on?